


What I Think About When I'm Alone

by Spideronsilk



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Anxiety, Bullying, Chubby Dipper, Depression, Human bill, M/M, Overweight Dipper Pines, no magic, over thinking, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5784598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spideronsilk/pseuds/Spideronsilk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper reflects on Bill's and his relationship when he's left alone for awhile</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Think About When I'm Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Let's bring some sadness into this mix

The walls of his room were a smooth, steel grey, the curtains a thick, solid black which plunged the room into darkness, the only available light came from a crack in the curtains, a solid beam of afternoon light punching through the quiet darkness. It was four in the afternoon and Dipper was curled up under his thick sheets, the fabric cool against his heated skin from being empty all day. He couldn't bring himself to get up, his eyes hazy and heavy, his head glued to the plush pillows underneath him. He was hot and sweaty, his thick, tight winter clothes making him uncomfortable under the heavy blanket, but he was at peace, excepting his uncomfortable body temperature and melting back into the coolness that was his bed.

Bill hadn't shown up to school for about a week and Dipper wasn't talking his absence well, the bullies Bill normally scared away were back, pushing him into walls and calling him those ridiculous names. Before he had Bill he could have taken it, but his absence only made their cruel words sting more. What If Bill had finally tired of him, what if he was missing school because he no longer wanted to be seen with an overweight slob like Dipper? The negative thoughts pooled in his head, causing his eyes to sting and water, the droplets running down his face as he grabbed his massive gut with his chunky, sweaty hands. He always knew that his disgusting body would ruin their relationship, why would someone like Bill; tall, lean and handsome want to be with someone like Dipper; short, fat and plain.

He shouldn't be thinking these thoughts but he couldn't help the poison that dripped into his mind. He let himself drift off into a lucid sleep, his brain worming the negavitve ideas into his abnormal dreams, he dreamt of Bill leaving him, of him laughing and being repulsed by him, just like everyone else. He couldn't tell if he was awake or dreaming, his subconscious a clouded mess of pained emotion, fear of being right, fear of being alone, fear of never being loved.

At one point he opened his eyes, the single flaming ray of light shining right in his line of sight. The birds chirped in the tree outside his window, and he could Mabel's music humming softly through the wall, the world went on wwthout him, content and at peace, wild but still living.

He knew he was being over dramatic, that it was just part of his ever lasting anxiety and depression, mixing their way into his life at every available moment. He sniffled, forcing the dripping snot to stay in his nose, a maddening headache throbbed behind his tight, tired eyes. His chubby face felt swollen, the bruise under his mushy cheek ached and he turned, laying on his back. He hated the way his stomach buldged out of his shirt, bulky and doughy, a burden he could never get rid of, no matter how hard he tried. He felt exposed, even in the supposed comfort his own room, he tried to tug his shirt down, to cover up the pudge that was spilling out and drooping over his waist but it was no use, he was the most unflattering human being he'd ever know and he would never be anything more.

A soft tap at the door broke him from his ungodly mind. He managed a quick "what?"  
glad that his voice was controlled and unbroken.

"Pine Tree, it's me."

The honey voice broke through his foggy mind, he sat up as quickly as he could, his overly round stomach causing strained grunts to escaped his raw, bitten lips. He tottered over to the door, but not before wrapping a jacket around his lumpy body, his fears still pressing at the back of his mind.

He pulled the door open, the squeaking wood revealing a tall, slender blond, the one person who made Dipper's grey world worth living for. His dazzeling gold hair and honeycomb eyes painting his world in shimmering starlight.

"Bill..."

"Dipper are you alright, I know I've been gone for a while and I couldn't get a hold of you where I was but I was so worried about you. I know how you get when you're lonely and I just...I'm sorry."

Bill's strong, tan arms wrapped around his chunky waist, Dipper didn't like how Bill could feel the very obvious, lumpy fat rolls that he had, but he couldn't help but melt into the embrace, it was one of the only things that could keep his fragmented mind rooted to reality. "Bill, it's okay, I'm okay. Stop worrying alright?"  
Dipper lied through his fat cheeks, his fake smile barley reaching the corners of his lips. He probably looked horrible but he would never admit to his weakness out loud, he wouldn't be able to handle someone judging him on his imperfections, there were too many to count, and he wouldn't be able to watch the disgust crawl its way onto Bill's handsome face, he'd rather suffer alone then share his fragility with the world.

Bill's worrisome eyes grew pained and he squeezed his love tighter, not caring about the thickness of his boyfriend's waist, "Dipper, I know you're lying. Please just let me in, I would never leave you alone for a moment if I didn't have to."

Loud sniffles filled the dark room, Bill pulled back watching the heavy tears streaming down Dipper's wide face, "D-do you really m-mean t-that?"

Bill lead him over to the small bed, pulling his love on top of him, craddling him as he watch his Pine Tree cry, "Of course my darling, of course."

Dipper fell asleep in Bill's arms, his wild, dark curls sprawled out on the blond's broad chest. Bill rubbed soothing circles on the larger's back, nuzzling his hair in the boy's chocolatey, silk hair, where he fell asleep, mumbling 'I love you' into the other's hidden ear.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to let out some steam


End file.
